it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
