i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize