I think scott just propositioned me for sex
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
