I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
