I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
