I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
