well I can't set my house on fire every night
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
