her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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