Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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