I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
