Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
