the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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