Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Randomize
