I cockslap morals
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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