Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize