Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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