I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
