update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
