Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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