I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
