soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
