so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
