i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
