we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
