I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize