my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
