I must be too annoying 4 u.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
