she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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