I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize