Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Please, let me fuck your mom
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have feelings that need drinking.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
