3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
