doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
