The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize