It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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