You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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