Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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