i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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