Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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