If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
