i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize