So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
