I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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