Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
