he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
