Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Randomize
