i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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