what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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