I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So apparently I’m into choking now
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