Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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