Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
