It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
