In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize