Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
