Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
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