Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
