tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
