Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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