I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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