I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
They took my balls.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
