kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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