If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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