dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
