after a month anything with tits is on the radar
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize