I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
