What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
