come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
