good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
