Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
