I think my fart just growled at me.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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