No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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