Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
