So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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