i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
