Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I smell stomach acid.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
