Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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