yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
