OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
