Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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