Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
