You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
