Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ketchup is God's man juice
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
