Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
