I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
