i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize