I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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