Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Randomize