a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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