what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
