went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
