Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
