What a fucking waste of an outfit
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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