final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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