You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
