He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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