as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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