yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
