so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
