We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
