I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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