I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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